How are those Operation Smile ads OK with people?

Worst day ever for garbage men:

Congratulations, Jesse Helms....

Now Obama can actually become President over your dead body.

Not so spectacular for Jordin Sparks:

Having her name spelled wrong in a national holiday commercial.

Isn't it obvious that Jonal Hill is really just....

Brett Ratner's comic book alter ego?

Is it just me....

Or is the new Weezer album a little heavy on the I do this / I do that / I'm like this / I'm like that?

California's hands-free cell phone law starts today and....

10 million people texting while driving is gonna be awesome!

Hey Facebook,

Thanks for noticing.

Why do people still name their daughters Chastity?

How is that any better than calling your kid Virgin?

Shrimp:

The only food you eat more of at weddings than in real life.

TV commercials are starting to make me think that....

Our snacks are being laced with hallucinogens.

George W. Bush has done more than any other president to keep illegal immigrants out of the country....

Not by building a wall, but by making our economy just as shitty as theirs.

'So You Think You Can Dance' host Cat Deeley is great....

At hiding how crazy crooked her nose is.

Dear Reality Show Producers,

The word "ultimate" means the last of something. So stop telling us we're about to see the "ultimate" haircutting, dog grooming, or celebrity circus competition. (Unless, of course, you plan to follow through on your promise.)

Prince Akeem has come back to America in disguise:

You can tell by his voice.

The Price Is Right Million Dollar Spectacular gives you the chance to win a million dollars!

There's a chance you could find a $1,000,000 in the street, but that doesn't mean CBS is going to leave it there for you.

Ralph Nader:

Closet Republican (2000 - Present)

I really can't wait to check out:

"Definitely May-bay" on DVD.

Huggies clearly doesn't know what 'little swimmers' are....

But they're in the right area.

Kate Bosworth has had an amazing film career....

For someone with a physical handicap that renders her incapable of making facial expressions.

Comedy legend George Carlin passes away at 71....

Which is weird, because I thought he'd been 55 since 1972.

'Samantha Who' still has the best cast on TV....

....and Barry Watson's OK too.

So when is the Free Credit Report.com guy....

Going to get a recording contract?

Airports Are Now Installing Full-Body X-Ray Machines:

I don't mind the cancer or the nakedness, but if I see a fat lady with a can protruding from her neck, I'm taking the train.

People Paula's Hidden Talent:

If all those high school girls in Gloucester got pregnant because they thought it would be fun....

I'd say birth control is a few generations too late.

When are famous people going to figure out....

That shoe companies are just making fun of them.

The Toyota Prius is great for the environment....

But they better add a noise during coasting before little kids start ending up on the hoods of these silent bastards.

Dear Reality Show Contestants,

The most you can give, try, or want something is 100%.
Figure it out.

Hey Moment of Truth, I want my 37 minutes back....

Because when you take out the commercials & all the repeated footage, this "hour long" show is a whopping 23 minutes. It's like Fox is daring us to get Tivo.

Michael Phillips has quietly replaced Roger Ebert:

My review of his See It / Rent It / Skip It ticket gimmick?
THUMBS DOWN.

Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods

The show's title, concept & choreographer have me convinced that this is really just another Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

While all the major news networks have been covering absolutely nothing but the election since January....

What the hell has George W. Bush been getting away with??

Zac Efron hates when the media says he looks gay....

He should be glad they're not pointing out that he looks like an American Psycho-style murderer.

Butterfly kisses - They're all fun and games until somebody gets an eye....

Covered in ocular herpes simplex infection.

Why doesn't the US have room for immigrants who've busted their asses and given up everything to get here....

When apparently there's plenty of space for every convict, junkie and toothless illiterate to crap out 10 or 12 kids apiece?

Agence France-Presse is the oldest global press agency,

So somebody might want to tell Grandpa News that we don't call Olympic record-holders "Chinamen" anymore.

Regis Philbin & Betty White on Million Dollar Password:

160 years of hilariousness.

Construction Cranes:

They're really tall things, attached to really long things, with big weights on the end. The question isn't why they fall over; it's why we keep thinking they won't.

I was watching the longest commercial EVER last night,

When I suddenly realized it was an episode of The Real World.

If Ethan Hawke were younger & his son Levon were older,